


Some nights I call it a draw

by Builder



Series: Heroverse [14]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Memorial Day, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Builder/pseuds/Builder
Summary: "I don’t hold it against you, man, I really don’t, but your buddy came back.  And mine didn’t.  And I have to live with that.”  Sam’s voice breaks, and he takes another long sip of beer before he goes on. “We weren’t like you guys, we were just pals.  But…god, I fucking miss him.”Sam grapples with grief.  Steve isn't exactly helping.





	Some nights I call it a draw

**Author's Note:**

> Something that walked into my head this afternoon, appropriate to the occasion of Memorial Day.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @builder051

“Come on, Steve,” Bucky calls as he catches the Frisbee Vision’s just launched his direction.  “I bet you’re great at this.”

“Maybe,” Steve laughs.  He watches Bucky fling the disc at Wanda, but she cheats and uses a thread of crimson energy to pluck it out of the air.  

“Hey,” Bucky jibes her.  “See, Stevie?  You gotta make them play fair.”

“Hmm.  In a minute.”  Steve looks past the game to where Sam is stationed, leaning against the hood of the car, sipping a beer.  He looks decidedly less happy than the rest of the group.

Steve gets to his feet and crosses the park to join him.  “Hey,” Steve says.

“You’re driving us home, right?” Sam asks, his voice almost a monotone.

Steve watches him crush the empty beer can and pop open the cooler for another.  “Yeah.  Of course,” Steve says.  “Beer doesn’t do much for me these days.”

“Sucks to be you.”

It’s uncharacteristic for Sam, but Steve has a feeling he knows where the bad mood is coming from.  “Tough day for you?” Steve offers.  “Memorial day?”

“Yep.”  Sam cracks open the can and takes a swig.  

“It’s good to think about the ones we lost,” Steve says.  “But it’s hard to lose a buddy.  I know that.”

“Yeah…”  Sam sighs.  “You had, what, two years off the ice without him, all things considered?”  He nods across the lawn toward Bucky, who’s mid-leap and having the time of his life.

Steve quickly does the math.  “That’s…about right.”  

“It’s been practically a decade since Riley died,” Sam says, playing with the tab on his can.  “But it feels like yesterday.  Especially on days like today.”

“You’re honoring his memory.  He made this world a better place.  He’d have wanted you to enjoy yourself in it.”  

Sam sighs.  “You’re right.  But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re making shit up.  I don’t hold it against you, man, I really don’t, but your buddy came back.  And mine didn’t.  And I have to live with that.”  Sam’s voice breaks, and he takes another long sip of beer before he goes on. “We weren’t like you guys, we were just pals.  But…god, I fucking miss him.”  He shakes his head.  “And no matter how many VA programs I lead, I can’t stop feeling like I could’ve done more to…keep that from happening to him.”

“Sam, that’s survivor’s guilt,” Steve says.  “You’re the kind of friend who did everything he could.  I know that.”

“Yeah.  God, I know.”  Sam scrubs at his eyes.  “But funny how it never looks that way from the other side.”

Steve considers it, the familiarity of Sam’s words bringing a lump to his throat.  “I felt the same way about Buck.  When I thought I lost him.  But then, it wasn’t that long after, when my plane was going down, I was the one the rest of my unit was losing.”  He takes a breath.  “I knew what I was doing was suicide, and maybe I wasn’t in my right mind, but I’m things happened the way they did.  I hope my guys didn’t have regrets.”

“Hm.”  Sam finishes off the beer and rests the empty can against his leg.  

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to compare notes,” Steve says.  “I just…I get it, even though I don’t really.”

“Yeah,” Sam sighs.  “It’s ok.  I’m gonna be ok.  I just had to vent,” he laughs and crushes his empty beer can.  “And make some bad decisions.”

Bucky waves at Steve from across the park again.  “Come on!” he shouts.

“Not too drunk for Frisbee, are you?”  Steve asks Sam, breaking into a smile

“I think that’s one more bad decision I can live with,” Sam says, starting to smile too.

 

 


End file.
